White coat. Heels.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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