i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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