Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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