Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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