I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
