***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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