rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm really busy with my period
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