I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
