If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
