i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just want nice things and good sex
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
