for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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