there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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