dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
