My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
