and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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