Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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