There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
