I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
