hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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