....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
