Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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