Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
