you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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