the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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