If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Still dying that you shit outside
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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