i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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