Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He has the fingertips of a God
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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