3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
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the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
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its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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