I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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