Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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