wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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