I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
