he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
