What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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