Sry I called you an 8
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
