just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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