Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
