Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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