He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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