So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
