Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
