Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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