sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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