I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
