I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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