I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize