I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
