i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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