Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Come see our sink grown plant.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
