You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
