Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
