Jerry, you need to find god
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
