Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
