I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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