I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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