This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
