if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
