We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
