my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
