I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Holy sore nipples Batman
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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