Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
