I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
