her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
