Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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