just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
